Whether you’re well-versed in lesbianhood, a total newbian, or just curious about the positive aspects of being gay-as-hell, this list is sure to help you understand exactly why being a lesbian is so goddamn wonderful.
1. You get to make out with girls.
Making out with girls is awesome for a hundred bajillion reasons. One being the increased potential for flavored lip gloss. Who doesn’t love strawberries with their make-out session?!
2. You can make-out in dressing rooms and public bathrooms and pretty much anywhere you ever want ever…
The world is your make-out oyster. Girls go to the bathroom together all the time, so like, oops you’re going to the bathroom together and now you’re making out against a wall and no one knows a single thing. Bar bathroom not your ideal setting for a boner? No worries, try dressing rooms! Insider tip: The dressing rooms at Old Navy are REALLY spacious.
3. Did we mention that you get to make out with girls?
Making out with girls also means you’ll be dealing with much less face-stubble. Now you can make out for hours on end and not damage that pretty face. Win-win.
4. No. Pregnancy. Scares.
Birth control?!?! NOT FOR YOU, MY FRIEND. No unexpected babies in your future, no matter how much you’re doin’ it.
5. You can take personal credit for Ellen’s success.
Ellen? Yea, she’s pretty lucky to have us. If it weren’t for all of us she’d be nothing. We (read: lesbians) found her on the streets, groomed her, gave her confidence, put her through comedy school, and packed her lunch every day for years. We done so good, y’all.
6. DOUBLE YOUR WARDROBE.
Sure, this one isn’t necessarily a guarantee, but there is a damn high probability that you’ll have double the chambray shirts, endless flannels, and lots of new t-shirts to steal wear. Bonus points for same shoe size!
7. DOUBLE YOUR TAMPON SUPPLY.
Let’s be real. Nothing is worse than starting your period in the middle of the night and having to shove toilet paper in your underwear. Now, your doin’-it partners are not only the objects of your love and affection, they are also reliable suppliers of necessary feminine products. Tampons for dayyyyyyyys!! (Plus: If there aren’t any tampons, you have someone to yell at.)
8. No facial hair in the bathroom sink!
What’s more more disgusting than tiny coarse hairs in the sink clogging things and accidentally getting on your toothbrush and –
9. You will never have to know what a prostate is.
What is a prostate, anyway?! Caveat: So many breast self-exams. Bonus: Someone to do your breast exams for you!
10. You get to make fun of The L Word
Some of us may love The L Word’s dramatic trajectory of lesbian life in sunny, wealthy California, and some of us just wish we could look away. But, guess what? It doesn’t matter. We all collectively come together in a sea of obligatory viewing to comment on topics such as Jenny Schecter’s ridiculous writing career, that time Shane gave up sex and the world almost ended, nooooo Dana, and OHMYGOD CARMEN IS SO HOT. It might be so bad but also, it’s kind of so good.
11. You’re can scream-sing to Melissa Etheridge anytime, any place, for any reason.
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WALKED ACROSS A FIRE FOR YOU?! YES, I AM THE ONLY ONE, AND THIS SONG RULES.
12. You’ll never have to read an article on “How To Get Him to Please You” EVER AGAIN.
Everyone in the room understands how vaginas work! We’ve had them for years! We know what a G-spot is! We know where all the buttons and whistles are! Put the manuals away!